I’m so excited to share with you what God is doing. This week
I met with some students. I asked them how their breaks were and how they were
currently. This one question launched us into a deep conversation about where
each of them was spiritually and where they were struggling. I would like to
take you back in time to better explain this God moment.
When I started with Campus Crusade I was passionate about discipling
girls and being their mentor, a wonderful asset that was not available to me as
a student. I also had a strong desire to reach the unreached on campus. However
as training began, I started to notice myself hesitating and relying on Matt a
lot. I didn’t know why I seemed to be struggling. I soon realized that I was
questioning my faith. My time in college was mostly spent pouring out. I loved
where God had placed me and that I was able to make a difference for Him,
however I slowly had begun to struggle with doubt. The only partnership I had
was with my fellow leaders on campus, whom I didn’t want to burden with my
questions because they had their own problems, with no weekly discipleship
either.
This past semester, it hit me that my job was to share the
gospel and how was I to do this if I couldn’t even assure myself that it was
100% true? I wanted to know that I knew, that I knew that Jesus was real and
that I had asked Him into my life as my Savior. I realized that I had shared my
faith in college without an arena to handle the difficult questions that arose
as a result of talking to non-believers. I’m a full supporter of looking into
these questions but alone, I felt helpless, and alone was exactly where the
enemy wanted me. Matthew 7: 7 states, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek
and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you”. That is exactly what I sought out to do. With
the support of my coach in Campus Crusade, I set out to answer the questions
that I had been avoiding in the past. Praise God that He is sovereign. For He
graciously met me right where I was, and today I can firmly state that I know,
that I know that Jesus is the way the truth and the life and that I have been
God’s since that moment as a four year old, I gave my life over to Him. Looking
back I can testify that He has always taken care of me.
Bringing us back to the present day, I’m not saying that I
still don’t have thoughts of doubt, but they don’t shake my inner core and
cause anxiety anymore. It was with this
testimony that God used to meet the students where they were at with a word of
caution. They all are very active with
our group, attending as much as they can and leading so much in our ministry.
When they began to talk about the spiritual attacks that they all felt they
were under, I asked how their personal spiritual walks were going. I encouraged
them to not put it on the back burner like I did in college. Matt and I
treasure their personal roles in our student ministry and praise God for them everyday,
however if they are doing all they can for the ministry but not steadily
growing themselves and worse possibly backsliding, Matt and I are not doing our
jobs. I explained that we wanted them to own the ministry and to follow the
passions that God has given each of them for specific ministries, but to not
forget about their personal walks, and that is why Matt and I are here, to take
on the tasks they can’t do (in addition to many other things) so that the enemy
doesn’t have a foothold in their busyness. I love each of these girls deeply,
and nothing angers me more than the enemy messing with them. I once was in
their shoes, and I pray that God will use me to help them now.
Every morning, I wake up trying to figure out my schedule and
what my tasks are for that day. It has been hard to adjust to being in charge
of my own schedule, and I’m still learning. However I can often feel like I
have failed if I don’t meet the expectations that I set out for that day. But
after this week, God has showed me that my job is to do my best, but ultimately
He is in charge of what my day includes, some of which I may not know the
purpose of for a while. Back when I was
at the end of my own struggle with doubt, I wrote in my journal, “My faith was
affected in college and I don’t want that to happen to others. Satan is taking
souls, we need to fight back. I love college students, I want to help them and
I see the danger they are in. I see the need and I’m willing to fill it.” How
cool is it that two months ago, God gave this to me in a quiet time, and I’m
now seeing this come to fruition in a tangible way this week!
I come to you our ministry partners to lift up the campus in
prayer. These students that I just shared about are not the only ones subject
to the backsliding that can occur in one’s faith during college. Pray that Matt
and I will be led by the Spirit on a daily basis, and not try to do this
ministry out of the flesh. To live in God’s abounding power instead of feeding
into the enemy’s lies. Together may we
pray for the freedom of the students on campus. That those who know the Lord
would be encouraged and those that don’t may we pray for the promises of the
new covenant over their lives. That God will begin to stir in them a longing to
know Him. May we pray for protection from the enemy over the territory that has
been gained for the Glory of God from the enemy.
Below you will find the link to John Piper’s talk on prayer. I encourage
you to listen to it. It is 45 minutes. But my prayer is that it will rejuvenate
your prayer life.
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